"I cling to Jesus with every fiber of my being because He is unfailing, He is absolute, He is steadfast and His grace is deeper and wider than my imagination can even fathom. In Him and Him alone is where I’ve discovered a hope more bright and beautiful than words can possibly describe."-Adam Young (via rainydaysandblankets)
Here I am, one year later. I am alive and I am well. I am strong, though I had once crumbled. I have grown, but I am still growing.
One year ago, I was paralyzed by fear, anxiety, and worry over my health. I literally could not function normally. I barely got out of bed for three weeks, couldn’t go to work, couldn’t eat, couldn’t carry on. I lost ten pounds in two weeks, the anxiety and worry made my stomach so sick and consumed so much of my mind that I had to force myself to eat bread or whatever I could tolerate every day or so.
I was making weekly trips to different doctors, getting whatever I thought was a terminal illness or cancer checked out. I would wake up in the morning so ridden with anxiety that I would immediately call off work and go to the doctor. I missed so much work, in fact, that I made $11,000 less last year than I had the year before that.
I was put on anxiety medication, and I honestly only remember bits and pieces from those few months. My head was in a constant fog, and I still worried consistently. I thought I was dying, I thought something was wrong and that the dozens of doctors and emergency rooms I had went to were somehow missing it.
Here I am, one year later, one year after this all began. I am stronger. The devil is trying so hard to kill me with worry and anxiety again. Even though I doubted, prayed, screamed at God for a year, He was always there. He held me in His hands when I truly could not move.
I barely made it through last year. But this year, I am fighting back. Fighting the thoughts, ignoring the devil, dealing with my issues and concerns, which there are way less of, and moving forward. I have not been dwelling on them. I am moving forward. I am learning. I am growing.
I am almost me again.
"If you ultimately long to be holy, hope to be holy, hate the sin in your life, and are struggling to get there but keep falling short, and you’re in this kind of weird cycle where you kind of run to God for a season, then you run away to clean yourself up, then you run back to God, then you kind of run away when you screw up, and then you run back… If you have yourself in that cycle, I’m telling you, you’re walking in a fear-based religion that does not quite understand that God has already decreed you as holy and blameless. He has, in his adopting work, decreed to the universe that you are his and he delights in you, is proud of you, loves you, and cherishes you. You are a co-heir with Christ of all he has.”
— Matt Chandler"
"God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns."-Psalm 46:5 (via godmoves)
"The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it’s going to be a lot better and a lot bigger."-Elisabeth Elliot (via breanna-lynn)
"We are very cruelly trapped between what we would like to be and what we actually are. And we cannot possibly become what we would like to be until we are willing to ask ourselves just why the lives we lead on this continent are mainly so empty, so tame, and so ugly."-James Baldwin (via c-oquetry)
But sometimes He wants you to bust through the walls!!
"Faith in the promises of God’s fatherly care produces freedom from fear, freedom from anxiety, and therefore freedom from things and freedom for people and freedom for love."-John Piper (via mrscaseyknight)
"Mercy triumphs over judgment. Love casts out fear. Peace surpasses understanding. For Christ Jesus has promised them all, and not one of His promises can be broken. There is hope in this world. Always, forever, and for always - hope in a dying world, for it will be made new."-